ADD and Me

OK kids. Uncle Ed is going to get really raw here. If you're offended by stuff that's beyond PG-13, it's 2:38AM and wayyyyyyy past your bedtime. I know it's past mine, but I'm infuriated by the injustices bestowed upon me. My beast mode done got activated and it ain't gone be stopping for NOBODY. Yes, my beast mode is ghetto too. I grew up in NoHo, California. Deal wit' it.

So. This is the THIRD time in the past month and an indescribable amount of times that I'm having a REAL problem with people making assumptions about me (which the last incident cost me a huge fucking fortune), and I'm getting über-sick of this decrepit bullshit of being told I make excuses, I'm lazy or irresponsible. Whatever the fuck you shit-talkers like to say about me.

Let me make one thing CRYSTAL clear. If you motivate me, I'll be the strongest ally you'll ever have; I'll take a bullet for your sorry ass if I'm happy enough. If you treat me like shit, make something feel like a chore, or even micromanage me, that's where you and I are going to have a REALLY big fucking problem.

Guess what? I know that sounds anybody with a right sense of mind who reads this page can relate (if not, are you from fuckin' North Korea and cried real tears when Kim Jong Il died, while you're eating tree bark to survive even after you have escaped and have more than enough money to get food?), but I hate to have a superiority complex or... Wait for it... "Another excuse up my sleeve"!!!!!

...But I have A.D.D. and every fuckin' sign of it. I may not be the "bouncing all over the walls" type since I often don't have the energy due to being overweight and all, but you get the picture.

• Often having difficulty concentrating on conversations? Umm... What was that again? I mean, check.
• Use more words than I need to? Thus, I shall mark upon the proverbial paper with a checkmark.
• Having trouble finishing projects that have already been started? Umm... I have 3 screenplays that I have created in 2010 that I have yet to revisit, and a graphic design project someone asked me for back in February that I've been meaning to do. What do you think?
• Self-esteem issues, verbal communication issues that makes it borderline impossible for me to find a girlfriend at age 27? Check and [sob sob sniff sniff] check.

Most importantly, what have you been doing lately?

• I was asked to make calls all day, every day with a quota in mind. I'll open 9gag, Gizmodo, HugeLOL, Facebook, Twitter (and I haven't officially used that in months), Wikipedia, and finally, I reluctantly pick up the phone.
• I wanted to get into personal development. Not even I'm sure how the hell I wound up doing it, but instead of listening to Jim Rohn, I'm blaring Armin Van Buuren through Ultra Music Festival internet radio.
• What usually takes a dedicated person 8 hours, it took me almost 2.5 days to finish the Batman trilogy that I've been always meaning to watch, and it all started with me randomly remembering what a mentor said about "Batman showing his true battle scars", which was a metaphor for having perseverance and being thick-skinned in the face of adversary, and no other real reason (the memes I'd see a lot had almost nothing to do with it).

I've been taught how to recognize the alphabet before I can talk. I can read at a 6th grade level entering 1st grade, which has manifested itself in the form of being able to spell 95% of words thrown at me; I can spell words like antidisestablishmentarianism, bourgeois or apocryphal without triggering the spell-checker (yet can barely pronounce the latter word). I was thrown into a specialty school for not being a dumb shit, I just knew too much and the "Hickville" teachers of Sonoma County didn't know what the hell to do with me.

So, before you call me names, think back to this post. We clear? Alright, going to bed now... Still pissed, but feeling MUCH better now that this is off my chest.

A Word or 2 About Respect

"Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets." -Matthew 7:12 (Golden Rule)

With that in mind, I feel a lot of disrespect and resentment in my life, even when I haven't done anything to them that subjectively warrants that kind of behavior. I know I got trust issues, but here's the bottom line...

Why don't I trust people?

Everybody I trusted let me down. Family members, people I thought were my best friends, you name it... See, people lose sight of the Golden Rule. It's in The Bible, I even put it as the first lines of what I just wrote. I had a bustling business going with someone I thought was my best friend, but he moved out of state and didn't even give me the time of day after. My mom butted in while I was on the honeymoon phase of dating this girl... But my mom threw me under the bus on what was supposed to be our 2nd date and even drew a knife just to show how serious she is about not wanting us to date. Her only motive? She just wanted more time with ME. If that was the problem, she should've just said so instead of threatening grave injury!

Fast forward to today: I quit my job a few days ago. Yeah you heard me... I had the rug tugged from underneath me and had to rebuild, and not having a reliable mode of transportation is REALLY putting a hurt in my business, so I had to get a day job. See... Long story short, I had a problem with my landlord and a major project I was doing didn't pay me, so I had to move in with a friend who also happened to be hiring. I had MUCH better offers lined up... One friend offered me his son's room since he's out to college, another even offered to put me up in a hotel for 1-2 nights to let me sort it out... But no job. Another offered me a job, but he said I'll have to figure out room and board, not to mention he was all the way near San Diego.

The original arrangement was either the couch or a cot, but neither happened and I'll spare my dignity and not even mention it. I got the job, but they cut my hours when I was finally in a position to buy a car, and every day I seem to get treated progressively worse, despite my alleged importance there. See, If you treat me well, I'll gladly return the favor, even if it takes me YEARS. However, I will draw that line VERY quick if you even THINK of disrespecting me and avenge what you've done TENFOLD.

One day, a friend offered me an opportunity to do commission-based work at home. It was very tempting since the payout is in the THOUSANDS per DEAL, but at this point I was so burnt out and tired with that job I couldn't even FORCE myself to muster the enthusiasm needed to do this project; it took me a MONTH to finally get one customer when it should've been 10 by this time frame. Therefore, me and him decided to formulate an exit strategy.

Plan A: Have coworkers sign an affidavit in case I get fired or have to quit to back my case if I need assistance. It would be strictly for the eyes of whoever is handing my case.
Plan B: Resign immediately and report everything that's going wrong to the state, then appeal my case if I need to.

However, something went terribly wrong trying to execute Plan A: I plotted everything Wednesday, but didn't perfect it until Saturday afternoon, which also happened to be the weekend of the so-called boss' daughter's birthday party that she invited me to (which also included helping decorate and all that). I stressed and emphasized confidentiality in this matter to the employees, but one went and squealed to the owner anyway. The owner calls the so-called boss, then she comes yapping at me while I'm right there, a little bit buzzed and put my plans about work behind me.

So, I got pissed and decided to drop Plan B.

On the morning of April 29, I walked in, perfected my resignation letter and resume, as well as a complaint to OSHA. Think of the irony: How ironic is it to have a complaint filed against your company... Made from inside the doors of your company? I also made an obvious hint that they're not going to be references by leaving a copy of my resume, botched with my own company name and the name of a company my friend's cousin owned on the table since the so-called boss threatened to sabotage me if I quit. Since the owner came in and all she did was give me a dirty look, I slammed my resignation letter on the table and walked out without saying a word, giving a dirty look back...

Then proceeded to continue my waves of attack. All of it signed, printed and even attached with evidence and mailed that afternoon.

Worked out pretty good; I already got 4 deals pending. If everything goes well, I'll have $15,000 in commission, making more in 3 days than I did in a year.