Now I'm officially convinced my girlfriend is an idiot!

Earlier this week, my girlfriend’s coworker decided the local shooting range would be the perfect backdrop for his photography class project. Since I know my way around firearms, I volunteered to lead the group. Most of her coworkers speak Mandarin and very little English, so I was translator and instructor rolled into one, but also everything said below aren't exact translations, but the closest English equivalent that captures the essence.

The trouble started before we even left the apartment. I explicitly told everyone to dress comfortably in clothes they didn't mind getting dirty, which I thought would be easy since they all worked in a warehouse. My girlfriend emerged in an elegant pink and white dress, a fresh face of makeup, and dangling earrings and refuses to change, then spends another 5 minutes perfecting her makeup, even asking me what earrings to wear, then I respond: "You DO know that you're wearing ugly goggles and earmuffs that cover everything, right? Let's go!" She ignores me and puts on a dangly set. To top it off, she threw on a pair of stiletto heels. Her coworkers rolled their eyes, and I even gave her tennis shoes to her. She tossed them in the corner with a dismissive, "Just go, everyone is waiting!" I was embarrassed, but I tried to make the best of it.

At the range, she was the ONLY one dressed to the nines; I should be proud... If she was only a spectator. The clerks gave me the ultimate "you have got to be kidding me" look. While checking in, I demonstrated some safety procedures while they were prepping the guns and ammo; a bit too advanced for regular shooting, but a clerk was impressed enough to ask for my number and offer me a job as a safety instructor for their Asian tourist clientele, plus they remembered who my dad was, an instructor for a shop that trained security guards, where we'd normally take new recruits for firearms certification... I got the HK USP .45 since it was my last gun before I sold it and I know it like the back of my hand, everybody else had a Beretta 92FS, and while I could get something that could humble my girlfriend, like a Casull or shotgun, the clerk and I agreed on some .22 revolver after I pointed out she was wearing heels.

Suddenly, the stakes were higher; now my reputation was on the line as a potential employee instead of a random visitor. I continued the safety lecture and proper technique, but while I was speaking, my girlfriend was glued to her phone, taking her own photos and looking at them, despite the fact that one of them had an SLR camera and promised to share the pics. I stopped mid-sentence and told her to put it away. "I'm listening," she claimed, before immediately texting someone. Out of patience, I snatched the phone. "Hey! We have live ammunition and real guns here that can kill people, not toys! If you want to die, don't do it here!" Instead of listening and realizing gravity of the situation, she caused a scene digging the phone out of my pocket.

It only got worse. While the rest of the group practiced safe handling, she points the gun at the lobby while posing. Clerks shouted and had their hands at their holsters, and customers ducked for cover while screaming... Then she says "what's everybody scared of?" I then drill down the gun safety rules again.

After all that, she points the gun at the wall, but this time at the coworker with the camera, still incorrectly clasping her hands. At this point the clerk was laughing, but I still didn't want to look like an idiot in front of the very person that is recommending a Safety Instructor job position. Not cashier, not the guy that rakes spent casings, SAFETY INSTRUCTOR!!!

As you can see above, I am NOT bluffing when I say that I was offered a job, with money for my license fees and all.

The final straw came when she posed by pointing the gun at her own head with her finger on the trigger, and the clerk tells me she's very close to getting kicked out. Livid, I yanked the gun out of her hand, dragged her outside firmly saying "I don't care if you don't listen to anything else, but the clerk just threatened to kick us out because you refuse to listen to life-or-death safety rules! (gets in her face and borderline yells) DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!?!?"

At this point, she finally somewhat understands the seriousness of the situation and nods, but not before one last slip-up... Once our numbers got called, she waltzes in without her earmuffs, and at this point someone in stall #10 (We have #11-13) is firing off a larger caliber bolt-action rifle, and she is freaking out and complaining about her ears ringing; shit, even my ears were hurting every time he shot a round WITH earmuffs. Umm... Did you hear ANYTHING in my instructions AT ALL?

Then comes the ultimate test: I finish my rounds and now it's her turn. Everybody else is going along just fine; the worst problem I've encountered was someone forgetting to turn the safety off. For her? Now she's beginning to realize she should've paid attention; she's scared as hell and wants to watch me fire off the first few rounds, so I did. She then reluctantly handles it and how is it held? STILL Clasping her hands despite giving her yet another crash course and pointing it towards the door! At this point, I exasperatedly train her again and she's giving me shit about yelling earlier (we're in the range, genius), then she fires off about 4-5 shots and cowers against the rear wall (with the gun pointed at me and her finger curled on the trigger no less and at least 2 rounds left, no less), so I ended the day with a silly deuce-deuce and I was doing my best not to invoke my right to self-defense, but too bad I already spent every round of ammo for the USP.

Still had a good time, but I’m still getting the silent treatment 2 days. She claims I embarrassed her in front of her coworkers (who are now calling her out at work, too). Even though I can be the bigger man and apologize for my actions, this is one thing I'm not sorry for, and people who know their way around guns will agree.I refuse to apologize since if I ever go shooting again, especially if conditions improve enough for me to buy another gun), I don't want the same careless mistakes to be made. When it comes to firearms, ego and vanity will get you killed. It's just like what this sign says:

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case.

Worst. Interview. Ever.

OK, I know it's taboo to badmouth a prospective employer, especially if I haven't been hired or rejected, but at this point I don't even care anymore. So, like I said in the previous post, my girlfriend drained my bank account just for a frickin' purse, so I have no backup funds as it is.

I should've listened to my instances of Murphy's Law that was starting to unravel and not waste my time with them. On Sunday, I took my trusty debit card to get gas... The pump won't work, and further attempts were getting declined since I later learned the issuer decided to put an authorization hold on the card in $100 chunks... Using the wrong ZIP code which was also making said declines pointless. So, I just roughed it through the day with a little over 1/4 tank (about 110mi) of gas. If you know Deutschwagens, E means 0 since the screen says "Fuel reserve!" at around 50 miles, not "OK, the needle is on E but you have about 30 miles."

Then, after struggling to go to sleep, I get out of bed at 3:30 AM for this ripoff telemarketing job selling low quality toners that most customers complain about at an extreme high price (the shift starts at 6 AM to catch East Coast business owners at 9 AM)... But act as if they're getting the deal of the century for Rolls Royce quality. Anyway,  I had lunch packed but forgot to bring it, forgot my TAP pass with a month's worth of bus fare on it, had zero money for lunch, then just when I thought I was making good time, I realized I forgot to shave when I was putting on my tie in the parking lot.

I rush home in Baldwin Park to shave, then my heart jumps out of my chest when my GPS tells me I am 10 minutes behind. Not good, but glad I called the hiring agency, despite the fact that once I hopped on the 5 it shaved 12 minutes off my ETA and would've been pointless. Anyway, the lady calls me back as I am only about 5 miles out to Irvine saying the owner had an emergency and had to go to Alhambra.

At this point, I already was thinking that I wasted all this time and gas money going 80 miles round trip out of my way, but whatever. I was so sick of waking up at 3:30 AM to rip off businesses for minimum wage that I decided to roll with it. So, again, I'm rounding the corner at 3 miles, and *RINNNG*. AppleOne again? Glad to know that she's asking about my arrival. Nope, like a game of Gingerbread Man, now the fool wants to meet in El Monte. Had I lived anywhere else I'd say bugger off, but he lived en route to home so I give this guy one last chance.

This time instead of relying on directions, I call the dude, and interestingly enough, HE asks ME how to get there. Now I figure this gingerbread man routine was probably some sort of test and I'll be rewarded with a $50 gas card and a pat on the shoulder telling me I'm hired, right? Nope, the dude genuinely sounded confused. So, after finally arriving in El Monte, he asks me to wait in the car as he's wrapping something up and "it'll only be 5 minutes". So I'm sitting there for half an hour, and then asks me what's nearby, so I rattle off a series of decent restaurants, but he settles on Del Taco. Oh-kay... Del Taco it is.

So, most of the "interview" is him staring at his computer and asking me questions, and everything he is asking me to do is mundane and a piece of cake. Sure, I haven't worked in the travel industry since 2007, but I'm very good at Excel, which was a strong prerequisite. Then he stares at his computer some more, and asks about Word and all that. I'm thinking: If you read my resume, I'm an IT Tech. I've even used OpenOffice, MS Works and ClarisWorks. So, he asks me about travel arrangements, and I've even mentioned since I have friends that don't speak English or are computer illiterate, I do this kind of thing all the time and have earned a Silver membership with Expedia; just 2 weeks prior I helped a friend book a flight to Denver, CO and last month I reserved a hotel in Vegas using reward miles!

For this one I was just about to flip my lid: "Do you personally know any tour guides?" I'm thinking, OK. I can do it myself; it's just telling a driver to go to tourist destinations, probably say 1 or 2 blurbs about it, and figure out some entertainment on a long ride. Of course, the last time I worked in the travel industry was 2007 and I've lost contact with a lot of people when my GMail got hacked and wiped out my contacts 4 years ago, and working at a wholesaler that relied on local guides or contracted from other companies, I never had their contact information, so I say no and explain it.

This is the hilarious part... "Well, I'll be honest, I need someone with more recent experience." REALLY?? I just used Excel, I just booked flights and hotels, who cares about my job experience? If you wanted someone who just quit, got fired or even searching for work from a current travel company, please don't waste my time from the get go!