"O spite! O hell! I see you all are bent
To set against me for your merriment:
If you were civil and knew courtesy,
You would not do me thus much injury.
Can you not hate me, as I know you do,
But you must join in souls to mock me too?"
-A Midsummer's Night Dream, William Shakespeare
Seriously, I am still scratching my head at all that happened over the past few weeks. So... I meet this lady, let's just call her "Jill". Although if you've been on my Facebook around those said few weeks, it's extremely apparent and obvious who it is, despite her requests that I keep it private and it being TOTALLY obvious that we were seeing each other (and IDGAF what she wants to call it after the fact, but any idiot looking at us would consider it going out), or VERY easy to assume at the very least, right now I don't care anymore. Just when I thought I was done with all the drama in my life, just when I thought I can FINALLY be happy with life for a change, and could work towards improving my moods and well-being after being so bogged down by my dad's stuff for 4 years (especially the past 2 months dealing with his death and all that), this shit had to fucking happen. Not to mention I've already had like, 8 people congratulate me thinking she was already my significant other. HA! Part of me fucking wishes that were the case, but another is kinda hesitant.
So, I've known her for 2 years, but I just more or less chatted with her and said hi when I was more active and able to attend events. Anyway, there was a beach event towards the end of July, and we just joked around a bit and hung around with each other more than anyone else. Then we hung out a few more times getting lunch, watching movies, walking down the beach, checking out some of the cool houses in upscale neighborhoods, and we were talking seriously about going on a mini-vacation together. You know the "men and women can't be friends" scene from When Harry Met Sally, right? Yeah. Even though she was not initially my type... I like East Asian women with at least shoulder-length hair and no kids since it's a lot to tackle after being single for so long, to... German / Indonesian with shorter hair. And a kid, but he's overseas. She just started growing more and more attractive to me by the day. Also no, don't finish the quote because it didn't happen.
So, for one brief fleeting moment, I thought I not only broke the curse of being single for 10 years, I thought I had a good frickin' chance of breaking through the "friend zone", which is seriously worse than hell in my book. You can amputate my arm inch by inch with a dull, rusty saw, but being turned down by a woman you like hurts more for me, and I've managed to date some serious babes; 2 were models and one chick was so perfect, it still hurts like hell that it didn't happen. I dunno, I'm probably overthinking this. After being single for 10 years, even a well-timed smile from a woman makes me fall in love like a motherfucker LOL.
So then, at the height of me being unavoidably smitten, she kinda brought me down to earth by pointing out a few character flaws. Even before she came along, it was stuff I was working on anyway... Not to blame him, but all the 4 years of listening to my dad play victim to everything in his life really took a toll on my mindset; I just finished LV107 and had a champion's mindset and was able to talk leadership as if it was second nature... Then it figured he had depression and took offense to EVERY leadership talk I had, and eventually I was so deep down the rabbit hole that I started thinking like him... But this time, I knew I had to step on it. I already decided overnight to regain my decisiveness and a bit of my confidence, but there were some traits that still lingered that pissed her off.
With that, she wanted me to watch a TV series, but the Wi-Fi genuinely was down at the place I was staying at as of the moment and I promised her I'd watch it when I'm back home. OMFG she got PISSED and started talking to me as if I was stupid... I was even having sushi with a friend who paid me to teach him how to use his new phone and he saw that I was very distraught. Then, after arguing for 24 hours, I sought a middle ground that worked well enough to at least let me meet with some people from Rose Hills in the morning so that I can finally let my father rest at nature, in peace... Instead of having his ashes sit on a shelf in my house; it's depressing to see his urn. It was a stressful talk and I don't know how I managed, but I managed.
Then, come afternoon my business partner only gave me 2 days to prove my work ethic, when I failed miserably by prioritizing other things in my life, so after a long phone call, he dropped me from his business. Good grief; by the way he kept talking to me over the past years I wouldn't want to work with him anyway, and I was already thinking I needed God's advice since my situation is hairy enough as it is, but I also promised her to not share certain details with anyone. So, not even half an hour later, Jill texts me and invites me to church.. Is this the power of The Secret or what??? Wrong.. This is where I'm STILL scratching my head wondering what went wrong to this day... I asked her when, but she doesn't say until after she's done with her congregation that she was just there. I casually mention that I would've gone had I knew, and here she goes going ABSOLUTELY LIVID again.
So, I followed a hunch, bought flowers and took her to lunch and a movie, despite the fact that it was über awkward, and made even more awkward by having her little friend sending texts critiquing me and made her question my motives. "Motives". "MOTIVES?!?" what kind of "motives" should I have when I genuinely want to keep the peace?? "Gauge him and see if he's sorry enough". "Sorry enough"? Listen Jeff, my grandpa was a Canadian citizen! We come from a nation where we not just apologize for everything, we apologize for apologizing too much, then keep apologizing when we realized that we did apologize too much! Also, did it ever occur to you that if I'm going out of my way to wine and dine someone that I'm trying my damnedest to make it up to her? Then, that night kept getting more and more awkward until I had to fight every nerve to not break into his house and beat him up and drop her off when I wanted to do more instead, like going to the arcades or some other outing. Shit man, I think it's funny of how much advice she follows from this schmuck when she talks so much shit about him behind his back.
Fast forward to Monday night, when my former business partner misinterprets Jeff's usual ass-kissing posts, which I do hope he realizes that if he wants to bogart Jill for himself that does NOTHING... I've tried that and it didn't work, and thinks that he's already sleeping with Jill. I was told on multiple occasions that she has no attraction with him whatsoever; "he's boring" "doesn't take good care of himself" "he's a slob"... Shit man, no kidding. Even looking at him, I kiss my $300 Prada glasses every time I put them on nowadays because his are frickin' retarded. There are doctor's offices that can let you have back-ups for $50, but for the last 4 months of seeing this ass-clown, he's been wearing glasses where it's broken on one side and awkwardly dangling on one end, and both lenses are held in place by crimping it... You do know that most optometries give away those little screws, right? Heck, they were $1 for a set of 50 screws. Anyway, I have Brokey McBroke-Ass here trying to act like some know it all when all I did was blow the whistle on my former business partner and we haven't really even talked since Saturday. What a fucking day.
Underneath it all, she's a nice lady, I fucking regret losing her after what little special moments we had, but I think that Brokey is making shit harder for me, when he's a fucking spineless wimp that probably never even held hands with her and trying to impress her with Denny's, pancakes, and sappy, long-winded kiss-ass posts in the hopes that she likes him that way. Sorry if you never liked Yard House, sushi, and what could've been organic homemade spaghetti I meant to cook for you (that I eventually ate for myself since the meat was starting to sit in the freezer too long). Anyway, with all that in mind, I do want to reconcile with her and pursue a relationship, but with all these fucked up things in mind, I feel like I'm beating a fucking dead horse, and with Jeff McBroke-Ass throwing me under the bus and cockblocking me, my chances and motivation of pursuing her are practically hopeless. Any thoughts, my dear readers?
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Monday, July 15, 2013
Rumor-cleaning time...
Today is hilarious beyond all doubt... I've hearing all sorts of wacky rumors, some that almost hit home a little too much. Well, I BCC all 20 people I mail this to for spam prevention measures, but as a sales consultant, PR is everything and I have eyes and ears everywhere... I am not going to put those people on blast, but I am not going to let it slide either, nor do I want to address them individually in case I got another hater somewhere in this email that might be "just curious". However, those people know who they are and hope they realize that they are a traitor, scum of the Earth and even one who exhibited total disrespect for the deceased should be ashamed of yourself.
Rumor: "Ed is struggling and in a panic that Unemployment Insurance isn't going through, he's probably broke and scared out of his mind."
Answer: Nope, far from it. EXCLUDING probate estate and a settlement I won (which I would've gladly taken my old company to the cleaners if I didn't have to worry about my dad's final expenses), I currently have $2,200 NET of my own blood, sweat and tears bank AND GROWING. Gotta love residual income from the loans I closed. Would've been more, but I took this month off for bereavement leave. What about the things I excluded? The $300 left in the estate/funeral/donations trust fund for my dad and the $1,000 settlement I mentioned, $1,000 I have in savings (which I have savings for the first time in 3 years), $500 here and there, I have $5,000 NET (AKA after bills).
As I lived paycheck-to-paycheck and lived EXTREMELY frugally at MetroPyongyang*, (e.g. NO eating out, NO social life, NO rainy-day spending) and would still only have $150 left over every month with constant threats to FURTHER reduce my hours, I got $5,000 in 2 MONTHS VERSUS 2.75 YEARS!
Oh, and speaking of UI, I appealed for the sake of justice (not because I needed the money, not to mention I don't want a "failure to appear" on my record) AND WON. I'd return it to the state, but this is the funds that MetroPyongyang screwed me out of and I don't think I'm unfair in asking for a tiny $1,600 back... The appeal decision letter was HILARIOUS; I was CRACKING UP when it said "a reasonable person genuinely desirous of retaining employment would also quit under these circumstances faced by the claimant." In other words, the way I saw it, it means you'd have to be a deranged lunatic to work there! I asked them about my account balance, they said it doesn't concern them. I said "can I continue to work at PVF?" they said "as long as you don't work past x hours and report your income that's OK" However, It'll be too much if I actually continued to claim against it, so no further claims. Hope that $6,600 after 3 years of destitution doesn't make you choke on your Haterade.
Speaking of deranged lunatics, I love this one...
R: "Ed is psychotic and should be [on Prozac / in a mental institution / etc].
A: So wait, you didn't hear about the deplorable working conditions I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy? Are you taking my celebratory joke songs way too seriously? If I have evidence and SWORN affidavits (one even NOTARIZED) from 2 different witnesses/patients in hand for some of the problems that I had to face but was swept under the rug by the owner and someone who calls herself "the boss", let me ask you...
WHO IS THE PSYCHOTIC ONE NOW?
I am seriously baffled when I say that I can bring up a hazard or violation multiple times but have that ignored, but I get the full blame for a minor mistake that has someone else's initials on their certification worksheet, which if "the so-called boss" acted like an actual boss or the owner would take charge and work with the landlord to fix some of the problems after paying $$$$ in rent (I saw the lease agreement and am still surprised that they are low-balling MetroPyongyang), I wouldn't have had to done ANY of the reporting I did, and it's despicable to see that the only way it got resolved was me quitting, having a guilty conscience and resorted to telling the government about the problems of MetroPyongyang instead and not even being around to enjoy the fruits of my labor.
If I am crazy for wanting a safer, equitable workplace where everybody is equally respected instead of a hostile, unsafe environment where everybody hides behind their titles and tells their employees to mindlessly eat their s**t, please, I'd be HAPPY to put on that straitjacket and sit in that padded room for the rest of my life. Please also give me some Eskalith; Prozac won't do nothing for how crazy I must apparently be!
Actually come to think of it, I think the sewage gases spewing out of that place also kinda created an imbalance. After all, if I am getting dizzy, headaches, nauseous, irritability and experiencing short-term memory loss (all of which are proven side effects of Hydrogen Sulfide exposure) that ALL gradually went away the month after I quit, I'm sure part of the side effects of working for an oppressive totalitarian boss AND the H2S exposure ACTUALLY must've made me "psychotic!" After all again, what "reasonable person" would want to stay in this mess?
R: "His dad killed himself because of [something I did; I don't even want to say it]"
A: OK, wait a minute. Wait just ONE F$%*ING minute. Like I said in my last post, anybody who knew my dad for a sufficient length of time knew he had testicular cancer, a heart attack and diabetes. The cancer brought on a trauma, his heart attack needed meds but gave him all the negative side effects ever listed (including depression and thoughts of suicide), and diabetes that was left uncontrolled for so long, his blood sugar imbalances causes dementia. My dad was actually pretty proud of me even if what I did wasn't phenomenal, and it's sad that I just barely got the wheels lifted off the runway of my flight to success when he passed, especially when I promised him I'd send him $2,000 the week before he passed on and was even thinking of surprising him with $500-$1000 per month, a feat I would've NEVER been able to do at MetroPyongyang living paycheck-to-paycheck. At any rate, nothing would've saved him. In fact, I even subpoenaed his phone records and even the friend he talked to 4 HOURS before he shot himself said he was in good spirits and even planned on visiting him the next week, so this was definitely unpredictable.
Also again, I hope that the person that made the statement should learn how to respect the dead and go f#&k yourself, you insensitive a$$hat.
*For those that don't get the joke, Pyongyang is the capital of North Korea and the oppressive, totalitarian Commies with no regard for anybody's well-being I worked for was named Metropolitan Optometry.
Rumor: "Ed is struggling and in a panic that Unemployment Insurance isn't going through, he's probably broke and scared out of his mind."
Answer: Nope, far from it. EXCLUDING probate estate and a settlement I won (which I would've gladly taken my old company to the cleaners if I didn't have to worry about my dad's final expenses), I currently have $2,200 NET of my own blood, sweat and tears bank AND GROWING. Gotta love residual income from the loans I closed. Would've been more, but I took this month off for bereavement leave. What about the things I excluded? The $300 left in the estate/funeral/donations trust fund for my dad and the $1,000 settlement I mentioned, $1,000 I have in savings (which I have savings for the first time in 3 years), $500 here and there, I have $5,000 NET (AKA after bills).
As I lived paycheck-to-paycheck and lived EXTREMELY frugally at MetroPyongyang*, (e.g. NO eating out, NO social life, NO rainy-day spending) and would still only have $150 left over every month with constant threats to FURTHER reduce my hours, I got $5,000 in 2 MONTHS VERSUS 2.75 YEARS!
Oh, and speaking of UI, I appealed for the sake of justice (not because I needed the money, not to mention I don't want a "failure to appear" on my record) AND WON. I'd return it to the state, but this is the funds that MetroPyongyang screwed me out of and I don't think I'm unfair in asking for a tiny $1,600 back... The appeal decision letter was HILARIOUS; I was CRACKING UP when it said "a reasonable person genuinely desirous of retaining employment would also quit under these circumstances faced by the claimant." In other words, the way I saw it, it means you'd have to be a deranged lunatic to work there! I asked them about my account balance, they said it doesn't concern them. I said "can I continue to work at PVF?" they said "as long as you don't work past x hours and report your income that's OK" However, It'll be too much if I actually continued to claim against it, so no further claims. Hope that $6,600 after 3 years of destitution doesn't make you choke on your Haterade.
Speaking of deranged lunatics, I love this one...
R: "Ed is psychotic and should be [on Prozac / in a mental institution / etc].
A: So wait, you didn't hear about the deplorable working conditions I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy? Are you taking my celebratory joke songs way too seriously? If I have evidence and SWORN affidavits (one even NOTARIZED) from 2 different witnesses/patients in hand for some of the problems that I had to face but was swept under the rug by the owner and someone who calls herself "the boss", let me ask you...
WHO IS THE PSYCHOTIC ONE NOW?
I am seriously baffled when I say that I can bring up a hazard or violation multiple times but have that ignored, but I get the full blame for a minor mistake that has someone else's initials on their certification worksheet, which if "the so-called boss" acted like an actual boss or the owner would take charge and work with the landlord to fix some of the problems after paying $$$$ in rent (I saw the lease agreement and am still surprised that they are low-balling MetroPyongyang), I wouldn't have had to done ANY of the reporting I did, and it's despicable to see that the only way it got resolved was me quitting, having a guilty conscience and resorted to telling the government about the problems of MetroPyongyang instead and not even being around to enjoy the fruits of my labor.
If I am crazy for wanting a safer, equitable workplace where everybody is equally respected instead of a hostile, unsafe environment where everybody hides behind their titles and tells their employees to mindlessly eat their s**t, please, I'd be HAPPY to put on that straitjacket and sit in that padded room for the rest of my life. Please also give me some Eskalith; Prozac won't do nothing for how crazy I must apparently be!
Actually come to think of it, I think the sewage gases spewing out of that place also kinda created an imbalance. After all, if I am getting dizzy, headaches, nauseous, irritability and experiencing short-term memory loss (all of which are proven side effects of Hydrogen Sulfide exposure) that ALL gradually went away the month after I quit, I'm sure part of the side effects of working for an oppressive totalitarian boss AND the H2S exposure ACTUALLY must've made me "psychotic!" After all again, what "reasonable person" would want to stay in this mess?
R: "His dad killed himself because of [something I did; I don't even want to say it]"
A: OK, wait a minute. Wait just ONE F$%*ING minute. Like I said in my last post, anybody who knew my dad for a sufficient length of time knew he had testicular cancer, a heart attack and diabetes. The cancer brought on a trauma, his heart attack needed meds but gave him all the negative side effects ever listed (including depression and thoughts of suicide), and diabetes that was left uncontrolled for so long, his blood sugar imbalances causes dementia. My dad was actually pretty proud of me even if what I did wasn't phenomenal, and it's sad that I just barely got the wheels lifted off the runway of my flight to success when he passed, especially when I promised him I'd send him $2,000 the week before he passed on and was even thinking of surprising him with $500-$1000 per month, a feat I would've NEVER been able to do at MetroPyongyang living paycheck-to-paycheck. At any rate, nothing would've saved him. In fact, I even subpoenaed his phone records and even the friend he talked to 4 HOURS before he shot himself said he was in good spirits and even planned on visiting him the next week, so this was definitely unpredictable.
Also again, I hope that the person that made the statement should learn how to respect the dead and go f#&k yourself, you insensitive a$$hat.
*For those that don't get the joke, Pyongyang is the capital of North Korea and the oppressive, totalitarian Commies with no regard for anybody's well-being I worked for was named Metropolitan Optometry.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Dad's Death
As you saw about 3 weeks ago, my father took his own life. Even worse, yesterday was supposed to be his 56th birthday. He had lots of trauma behind him; it all started when my grandma passed away on October 20, 2008; he was very close to her and took it very hard, and that was when he started experiencing flashbacks, but can still live a decent life. Then he had a heart attack due to an artery collapsing, but recovered nicely soon thereafter. However, for the next 2 years he's had physical exams that did a thorough check on him and haven't found any problems... Except his blood sugar; surprisingly no doctor has made it a point to check it.
Starting around spring of 2009, he started having these severe depression symptoms where he was constantly worried and stressed out even over the littlest things, saying hurtful things to me all the time (e.g. if I didn't pick up the phone he'd say stuff like "you don't care about me" and "I'm a worthless pile of crap, forget I ever existed")... This happened almost DAILY and any problem he'd have would last for over a week. Since he alienated most of his friends, not to mention at least twice a month there'd be something new to get upset about, I became pretty much the only pissing post he had, and that's a lot of pressure; I even started getting anxiety attacks whenever he'd say stuff like that...
It got to the point where he was such a downer that it started affecting my life, my way of thinking and my own problem-solving abilities went down. In fact, I too, have become so depressed that my life went to hell in a handbasket. I was making good money; I had a fully-furnished, plush apartment in Arcadia, the car that I've wanted that was going to be traded in for a BMW or Lexus (I haven't pulled the trigger on it, but at the time but I was leaning towards the Lexus IS-C)... Down to being so demotivated that I slept at 4AM on a regular basis, woke up around noon, stopped pursuing any form of income and lost everything... Oh, and the fact that I got wrongfully terminated from one job, laid off from another and ROYALLY screwed out of a business partnership didn't help either. It still hurts to think about it; it still hits me like a ton of bricks as if it happened yesterday, and the fact that one of my friends keeps trying to use this as a way to "punk" me into doing something or reminding me not to go down my old path all the fucking time doesn't help either. Anyway, that's besides the point.
So, they finally figured out that he had diabetes and his blood sugar was high enough for him to need hospitalization towards the middle of 2012... Also this is after he started experiencing the more severe of symptoms like frequent urination and blurred vision. So, he's been on diabetes treatment and things were starting to slowly go back to normal, although he would still tick over minor discrepancies or overreact to negativity, but it became only 1-2 days instead of 1-2 weeks.
Also at around this time, he decided to hand-build a trailer that became his home. I was praying that he'd get over this horrible disease and he seemed to have the upper hand, until the very morning of trying to enter a dispute with my former employers, I got an email from the county Medical Examiner's office, where I called back and they informed my my dad shot himself.
So far, with everything I said a few days ago in mind, life has gotten easier in certain ways, but in other ways it's harder. Life is harder in the sense that now more than ever, I do feel a bit alone. Sure, I found new relatives I didn't know I had, more friends are talking to me and reaching out more, and I'm not constantly worried about my dad anymore (which is making me move mountains in my life), but also it's harder in the sense that now I am more easily agitated since I am still coping, and having to sift through his paperwork, file legal documents and all this stuff is a lousy experience... I didn't know that the death of a family member was this complicated.
But anyway, here's to your memories. I even crawled up extra early and went to our favorite breakfast joint and ordered your favorite breakfast. Steak & Eggs, sourdough bread, eggs over-medium with coffee.
Anyway, it's getting late so I think it's best if I end it on this note.
Starting around spring of 2009, he started having these severe depression symptoms where he was constantly worried and stressed out even over the littlest things, saying hurtful things to me all the time (e.g. if I didn't pick up the phone he'd say stuff like "you don't care about me" and "I'm a worthless pile of crap, forget I ever existed")... This happened almost DAILY and any problem he'd have would last for over a week. Since he alienated most of his friends, not to mention at least twice a month there'd be something new to get upset about, I became pretty much the only pissing post he had, and that's a lot of pressure; I even started getting anxiety attacks whenever he'd say stuff like that...
It got to the point where he was such a downer that it started affecting my life, my way of thinking and my own problem-solving abilities went down. In fact, I too, have become so depressed that my life went to hell in a handbasket. I was making good money; I had a fully-furnished, plush apartment in Arcadia, the car that I've wanted that was going to be traded in for a BMW or Lexus (I haven't pulled the trigger on it, but at the time but I was leaning towards the Lexus IS-C)... Down to being so demotivated that I slept at 4AM on a regular basis, woke up around noon, stopped pursuing any form of income and lost everything... Oh, and the fact that I got wrongfully terminated from one job, laid off from another and ROYALLY screwed out of a business partnership didn't help either. It still hurts to think about it; it still hits me like a ton of bricks as if it happened yesterday, and the fact that one of my friends keeps trying to use this as a way to "punk" me into doing something or reminding me not to go down my old path all the fucking time doesn't help either. Anyway, that's besides the point.
So, they finally figured out that he had diabetes and his blood sugar was high enough for him to need hospitalization towards the middle of 2012... Also this is after he started experiencing the more severe of symptoms like frequent urination and blurred vision. So, he's been on diabetes treatment and things were starting to slowly go back to normal, although he would still tick over minor discrepancies or overreact to negativity, but it became only 1-2 days instead of 1-2 weeks.
Also at around this time, he decided to hand-build a trailer that became his home. I was praying that he'd get over this horrible disease and he seemed to have the upper hand, until the very morning of trying to enter a dispute with my former employers, I got an email from the county Medical Examiner's office, where I called back and they informed my my dad shot himself.
So far, with everything I said a few days ago in mind, life has gotten easier in certain ways, but in other ways it's harder. Life is harder in the sense that now more than ever, I do feel a bit alone. Sure, I found new relatives I didn't know I had, more friends are talking to me and reaching out more, and I'm not constantly worried about my dad anymore (which is making me move mountains in my life), but also it's harder in the sense that now I am more easily agitated since I am still coping, and having to sift through his paperwork, file legal documents and all this stuff is a lousy experience... I didn't know that the death of a family member was this complicated.
But anyway, here's to your memories. I even crawled up extra early and went to our favorite breakfast joint and ordered your favorite breakfast. Steak & Eggs, sourdough bread, eggs over-medium with coffee.
Anyway, it's getting late so I think it's best if I end it on this note.
Monday, June 17, 2013
REST IN PEACE DAD
Earlier today around noon, I just heard the worst news I have ever received in my life...
Wish I was there or at least able to talk to you or even see you one last time before you did what you did... It may not have seemed like it, but I have never been able to talk to another person on the same level as you... You always gave sound advice without discrimination, hostility or "figure it out / you're own your own" type of answers.
I also wish that you could've at least waited for me to express my gratitude of being part of me being brought into this world by completing my dream of being able to support you, or even a chance to meet my future wife and kids, just so I can vicariously experience what it's like to have a living biological grandfather as both of mine passed on before I was even born.
REST IN PEACE
July 5th, 1957 - June 15th, 2013
Wish I was there or at least able to talk to you or even see you one last time before you did what you did... It may not have seemed like it, but I have never been able to talk to another person on the same level as you... You always gave sound advice without discrimination, hostility or "figure it out / you're own your own" type of answers.
I also wish that you could've at least waited for me to express my gratitude of being part of me being brought into this world by completing my dream of being able to support you, or even a chance to meet my future wife and kids, just so I can vicariously experience what it's like to have a living biological grandfather as both of mine passed on before I was even born.
REST IN PEACE
July 5th, 1957 - June 15th, 2013
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
ADD and Me
OK kids. Uncle Ed is going to get really raw here. If you're offended by stuff that's beyond PG-13, it's 2:38AM and wayyyyyyy past your bedtime. I know it's past mine, but I'm infuriated by the injustices bestowed upon me. My beast mode done got activated and it ain't gone be stopping for NOBODY. Yes, my beast mode is ghetto too. I grew up in NoHo, California. Deal wit' it.
So. This is the THIRD time in the past month and an indescribable amount of times that I'm having a REAL problem with people making assumptions about me (which the last incident cost me a huge fucking fortune), and I'm getting über-sick of this decrepit bullshit of being told I make excuses, I'm lazy or irresponsible. Whatever the fuck you shit-talkers like to say about me.
Let me make one thing CRYSTAL clear. If you motivate me, I'll be the strongest ally you'll ever have; I'll take a bullet for your sorry ass if I'm happy enough. If you treat me like shit, make something feel like a chore, or even micromanage me, that's where you and I are going to have a REALLY big fucking problem.
Guess what? I know that sounds anybody with a right sense of mind who reads this page can relate (if not, are you from fuckin' North Korea and cried real tears when Kim Jong Il died, while you're eating tree bark to survive even after you have escaped and have more than enough money to get food?), but I hate to have a superiority complex or... Wait for it... "Another excuse up my sleeve"!!!!!
...But I have A.D.D. and every fuckin' sign of it. I may not be the "bouncing all over the walls" type since I often don't have the energy due to being overweight and all, but you get the picture.
- Often having difficulty concentrating on conversations? Umm... What was that again? I mean, check.
- Use more words than I need to? Thus, I shall mark upon the proverbial paper with a checkmark.
- Having trouble finishing projects that have already been started? Umm... I have 3 screenplays that I have created in 2010 that I have yet to revisit, and a graphic design project someone asked me for back in February that I've been meaning to do. What do you think?
- Self-esteem issues, verbal communication issues that makes it borderline impossible for me to find a girlfriend at age 27? Check and [sob sob sniff sniff] check.
- I was asked to make calls all day, every day with a quota in mind. I'll open 9gag, Gizmodo, HugeLOL, Facebook, Twitter (and I haven't officially used that in months), Wikipedia, and finally, I reluctantly pick up the phone.
- I wanted to get into personal development. Not even I'm sure how the hell I wound up doing it, but instead of listening to Jim Rohn, I'm blaring Armin Van Buuren through Ultra Music Festival internet radio.
- What usually takes a dedicated person 8 hours, it took me almost 2.5 days to finish the Batman trilogy that I've been always meaning to watch, and it all started with me randomly remembering what a mentor said about "Batman showing his true battle scars", which was a metaphor for having perseverance and being thick-skinned in the face of adversary, and no other real reason (the memes I'd see a lot had almost nothing to do with it).
So, before you call me names, think back to this post. We clear? Alright, going to bed now... Still pissed, but feeling MUCH better now that this is off my chest.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
A Word or 2 About Respect
"Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets." -Matthew 7:12 (Golden Rule)
With that in mind, I feel a lot of disrespect and resentment in my life, even when I haven't done anything to them that subjectively warrants that kind of behavior. I know I got trust issues, but here's the bottom line...
Why don't I trust people?
Everybody I trusted let me down. Family members, people I thought were my best friends, you name it... See, people lose sight of the Golden Rule. It's in The Bible, I even put it as the first lines of what I just wrote. I had a bustling business going with someone I thought was my best friend, but he moved out of state and didn't even give me the time of day after. My mom butted in while I was on the honeymoon phase of dating this girl... But my mom threw me under the bus on what was supposed to be our 2nd date and even drew a knife just to show how serious she is about not wanting us to date. Her only motive? She just wanted more time with ME. If that was the problem, she should've just said so instead of threatening grave injury!
Fast forward to today: I quit my job a few days ago. Yeah you heard me... I had the rug tugged from underneath me and had to rebuild, and not having a reliable mode of transportation is REALLY putting a hurt in my business, so I had to get a day job. See... Long story short, I had a problem with my landlord and a major project I was doing didn't pay me, so I had to move in with a friend who also happened to be hiring. I had MUCH better offers lined up... One friend offered me his son's room since he's out to college, another even offered to put me up in a hotel for 1-2 nights to let me sort it out... But no job. Another offered me a job, but he said I'll have to figure out room and board, not to mention he was all the way near San Diego.
The original arrangement was either the couch or a cot, but neither happened and I'll spare my dignity and not even mention it. I got the job, but they cut my hours when I was finally in a position to buy a car, and every day I seem to get treated progressively worse, despite my alleged importance there. See, If you treat me well, I'll gladly return the favor, even if it takes me YEARS. However, I will draw that line VERY quick if you even THINK of disrespecting me and avenge what you've done TENFOLD.
One day, a friend offered me an opportunity to do commission-based work at home. It was very tempting since the payout is in the THOUSANDS per DEAL, but at this point I was so burnt out and tired with that job I couldn't even FORCE myself to muster the enthusiasm needed to do this project; it took me a MONTH to finally get one customer when it should've been 10 by this time frame. Therefore, me and him decided to formulate an exit strategy.
Plan A: Have coworkers sign an affidavit in case I get fired or have to quit to back my case if I need assistance. It would be strictly for the eyes of whoever is handing my case.
Plan B: Resign immediately and report everything that's going wrong to the state, then appeal my case if I need to.
However, something went terribly wrong trying to execute Plan A: I plotted everything Wednesday, but didn't perfect it until Saturday afternoon, which also happened to be the weekend of the so-called boss' daughter's birthday party that she invited me to (which also included helping decorate and all that). I stressed and emphasized confidentiality in this matter to the employees, but one went and squealed to the owner anyway. The owner calls the so-called boss, then she comes yapping at me while I'm right there, a little bit buzzed and put my plans about work behind me.
So, I got pissed and decided to drop Plan B.
On the morning of April 29, I walked in, perfected my resignation letter and resume, as well as a complaint to OSHA. Think of the irony: How ironic is it to have a complaint filed against your company... Made from inside the doors of your company? I also made an obvious hint that they're not going to be references by leaving a copy of my resume, botched with my own company name and the name of a company my friend's cousin owned on the table since the so-called boss threatened to sabotage me if I quit. Since the owner came in and all she did was give me a dirty look, I slammed my resignation letter on the table and walked out without saying a word, giving a dirty look back...
Then proceeded to continue my waves of attack. All of it signed, printed and even attached with evidence and mailed that afternoon.
Worked out pretty good; I already got 4 deals pending. If everything goes well, I'll have $15,000 in commission, making more in 3 days than I did in a year.
With that in mind, I feel a lot of disrespect and resentment in my life, even when I haven't done anything to them that subjectively warrants that kind of behavior. I know I got trust issues, but here's the bottom line...
Why don't I trust people?
Everybody I trusted let me down. Family members, people I thought were my best friends, you name it... See, people lose sight of the Golden Rule. It's in The Bible, I even put it as the first lines of what I just wrote. I had a bustling business going with someone I thought was my best friend, but he moved out of state and didn't even give me the time of day after. My mom butted in while I was on the honeymoon phase of dating this girl... But my mom threw me under the bus on what was supposed to be our 2nd date and even drew a knife just to show how serious she is about not wanting us to date. Her only motive? She just wanted more time with ME. If that was the problem, she should've just said so instead of threatening grave injury!
Fast forward to today: I quit my job a few days ago. Yeah you heard me... I had the rug tugged from underneath me and had to rebuild, and not having a reliable mode of transportation is REALLY putting a hurt in my business, so I had to get a day job. See... Long story short, I had a problem with my landlord and a major project I was doing didn't pay me, so I had to move in with a friend who also happened to be hiring. I had MUCH better offers lined up... One friend offered me his son's room since he's out to college, another even offered to put me up in a hotel for 1-2 nights to let me sort it out... But no job. Another offered me a job, but he said I'll have to figure out room and board, not to mention he was all the way near San Diego.
The original arrangement was either the couch or a cot, but neither happened and I'll spare my dignity and not even mention it. I got the job, but they cut my hours when I was finally in a position to buy a car, and every day I seem to get treated progressively worse, despite my alleged importance there. See, If you treat me well, I'll gladly return the favor, even if it takes me YEARS. However, I will draw that line VERY quick if you even THINK of disrespecting me and avenge what you've done TENFOLD.
One day, a friend offered me an opportunity to do commission-based work at home. It was very tempting since the payout is in the THOUSANDS per DEAL, but at this point I was so burnt out and tired with that job I couldn't even FORCE myself to muster the enthusiasm needed to do this project; it took me a MONTH to finally get one customer when it should've been 10 by this time frame. Therefore, me and him decided to formulate an exit strategy.
Plan A: Have coworkers sign an affidavit in case I get fired or have to quit to back my case if I need assistance. It would be strictly for the eyes of whoever is handing my case.
Plan B: Resign immediately and report everything that's going wrong to the state, then appeal my case if I need to.
However, something went terribly wrong trying to execute Plan A: I plotted everything Wednesday, but didn't perfect it until Saturday afternoon, which also happened to be the weekend of the so-called boss' daughter's birthday party that she invited me to (which also included helping decorate and all that). I stressed and emphasized confidentiality in this matter to the employees, but one went and squealed to the owner anyway. The owner calls the so-called boss, then she comes yapping at me while I'm right there, a little bit buzzed and put my plans about work behind me.
So, I got pissed and decided to drop Plan B.
On the morning of April 29, I walked in, perfected my resignation letter and resume, as well as a complaint to OSHA. Think of the irony: How ironic is it to have a complaint filed against your company... Made from inside the doors of your company? I also made an obvious hint that they're not going to be references by leaving a copy of my resume, botched with my own company name and the name of a company my friend's cousin owned on the table since the so-called boss threatened to sabotage me if I quit. Since the owner came in and all she did was give me a dirty look, I slammed my resignation letter on the table and walked out without saying a word, giving a dirty look back...
Then proceeded to continue my waves of attack. All of it signed, printed and even attached with evidence and mailed that afternoon.
Worked out pretty good; I already got 4 deals pending. If everything goes well, I'll have $15,000 in commission, making more in 3 days than I did in a year.
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